ITHACA, N.Y. — Probably written with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, Bill Myers shared a humorous list of varied ways to leave, be it a job or a relationship. Take your pick! "There are lots of models of leavings. I always liked Paul Simon, was glad when he split from Garfunkel," Myers wrote to members in the Alternatives FCU's latest newsletter. "But I was annoyed by Simon's song '50 ways' which in fact only contained five ways to leave your lover, count 'em (don't need to be coy Roy, drop off the key Lee, hop on the bus Gus, make a new plan Stan, and slip out the back Jack). I'll triple that number. 1. Juggler, working up to knives and chainsaw, but how to stop? 2. Bilbo Baggins throws the ring of power into the volcanoes of Mt. Doom. The one ring corrupts and makes


a shadow out of bearer. 3. Walking away quietly. The second U.S. President, John Adams, had already absented himself to Massachusetts when Jefferson claimed the office. 4. Pretending to walk away quietly while making a scene. Hi Ho Silver 5. Leave a note on the Bath Room mirror. 6. "It is time I stepped aside for one less experienced and less able." — Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell 7. Relay race, passing baton to next runner. 8. As Shakespeare's King Lear said (offstage), giving away his kingdom, eschewing his past, "What the hell was I thinking?" 9. Titanic, sinking into the waves. 10. My spouse Nancy thanks Alternatives for my absence from home, an important factor in keeping our marriage together. 11. "I'd like to get away from earth for a while and then return and begin over." — Robert Frost 12. When I go to meet my maker, and am asked to explain myself, I'll have to say, "You've seen it all before." 13. Jean Paul Marat had the luxury of writing in his bath and was not entirely disappointed by Charlotte Corday and death. 14. "Ring in old age which adds as it takes away." — WC Williams

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