The Federal Drug Administration today approved a new drug designed to fight the affects of the interchange cap on financial services executives.
“This is a breakthrough in designer drugs that is safe and effective in alleviating angst, anxiety and fear among a targeted group of potential sufferers,” said April Firstwater, a spokesman for the FDA. “What really impressed us, and caused us to fast-track approval, was the drug’s ability to allow the user to see the upside of a 12 cent per transaction fee.”
The new drug, called DurbinEez, was developed and is manufactured by B. Wary Pharma. Rare but serious side effects include hot flashes, decreased earnings and an overwhelming desire to hug an NCUA examiner.
Hours after the FDA announcement, Sen. Richard Durbin and Walgreen’s Drug Store Inc. issued a joint statement hailing the approval. “This is a fine example of a much-needed public-private partnership. Anything to help these guys chill out is welcome.” The statement went on to say that Walgreen’s contracted with Leary to acquire truckloads of DurbinEez and will offer it at a special tiered pricing basis. Patients who use a debit card issued by a financial institution with less than $10 billion in assets will be charged $2.12 for a 30-day supply. Those who use a debit card from a mega-bank will be charged $2,000.12.
The FDA announcement apparently came as a surprise to CUNA and NAFCU. When told of the approval, a CUNA spokesman said, “Say what?” A NAFCU spokesperson’s reaction was not suitable for this family publication.